Got a toothbrush?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
