i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
