This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
