fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think people are normalizing furries
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
