i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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