If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
whose ass print is on the piano?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
