I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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