chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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