When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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