you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
