I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Randomize
