Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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