Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
