At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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