I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
