Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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