My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Everclear isn't food dammit
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
