the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I need water and some morals
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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