I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Be still, my beating vagina.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
