I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just invented taco cereal.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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