Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
