fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
