My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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