somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
