he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
