I'm going to jail i love you
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
