i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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