i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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