help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
