I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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