Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
