Nicole vs. Life
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
