If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
