We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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