Moan for me like Helen Keller
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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