she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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