I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
