Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
