I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
