I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
