I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
