Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
