piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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