There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
