So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
