Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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