So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
