If i come over, it means nothing
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
