lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
