Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
