Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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