And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
