Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
